Retiring from Homicidal Niceness
How to Coexist with People You’d Prefer to Launch into Space
The comedy that is my life continued its never-ending run this week with a new episode featuring house hiccups, surprise expenses, and... bats. Naturally I spiraled into a full-blown panic attack where I nearly called 911 just to scream, “IS THIS NORMAL?!”
We're still living in what can only be described as a renovation war zone—dust, noise, and mystery tools I’m not allowed to touch. I won’t traumatize you with the exact dollar amount we’ve spent in the last two weeks, but let’s just say we could’ve had a magazine-worthy kitchen renovation with that kind of money.
With workers camped out in every room of our home, I stayed behind while my family went off to Big Bear for some mountain air and what I assumed would be uneventful bonding. LOL.
Instead, night two turned into a horror movie: they found a bat flying around their cabin. No one knew how long it had been there. Cue the health department, who kindly informed them they may have just unlocked the “potentially fatal disease” level of their vacation. They rushed to get six rabies shots each, with more coming today.
To the person aggressively poking my voodoo doll: I get it, you’re committed to the bit. But could we maybe take a breather? Please and thank you.
Great news.
I came across a TikTok where a woman (@listentobrianna) discusses a study about a small town with a large population of smokers. Some residents develop lung cancer and die, while others remain healthy. The key difference between the two groups, according to the study, was their ability to express healthy anger—suggesting that emotional suppression can have serious health consequences.
(She didn’t reference this in her video, but I googled it and I think it was Kissen’s Yugoslavian 10-year study if anyone is curious)
Obviously, smoking is terrible for your health, but any time I read about studies like these, it’s a helpful reminder of how important it is to prioritize our mental well-being.
-The more you try to control something, the more it ends up controlling you. (TT: it.girl.energyyy)
-You were never meant to be picked, you were supposed to be seen, you were supposed to be known, you were supposed to be loved in your being, not your performance. (TT: it.girl.energyyy)
-Remember those who understood you before you even started explaining. Those are your people. (IG: @yourpalrick)
Midnight Library: I had so many people ask me this week if I regret moving into our home (I don’t), given everything that’s come up—and I ended up referencing this book to almost all of them. It completely changed the way I view life and regret. Thought it was worth sharing again. It’s about a woman who has the opportunity to experience lives she might have had if she had made different choices.
Sirens: This is on Netflix. .I’ve watched three episodes so far and I’m really enjoying it. It’s about an older sister who becomes concerned about her younger sister’s unhealthy relationship with her boss. Plus, the show has beautiful imagery—think gorgeous houses, dreamy landscapes, and all the aesthetic vibes.
There’s a person in my extended social orbit—let’s call her…Celeste. Celeste and I aren’t exactly soulmates. From day one, she’s offered me all the warmth and engagement of a tax form. Meanwhile, I was nice. I invited her to things. I made small talk. I looped her into my friend group. I smiled so much I probably looked like I moonlighted as a toothpaste model.
She, however, remained unmoved. If anything, her vibe was more: “Why are you talking to me, you Labrador of a person?” Eventually, I stopped. The invites dwindled. My effort—once poured with the enthusiasm of an overcaffeinated cruise director—dripped to a polite nod. And now, whenever we’re in the same room, I have a decision to make: do I say hello, or do I conserve my energy and pretend to be very interested in a nearby plant?
But this isn’t about Celeste. We all have a Celeste. Celeste is the one you don’t get to cut out of your life because she’s connected to your world in ways that make avoidance tricky—turning diplomacy into a regular (and exhausting) dance.
Maybe yours is your neighbor who only speaks to you when she wants to complain about your recycling habits. It’s your co-worker who “forgets” to loop you in on team lunches but always remembers to CC you on criticism. Or that passive-aggressive relative who brings a separate dish to dinner because they "weren’t sure yours would be seasoned.”
Celestes come in many forms. And if you're someone wired to be nice—to keep the peace, smooth the edges, smile through gritted teeth, you’ve probably wrestled with the same dilemma: Do I keep being nice? Or do I give myself permission to just not?
And as Minnie Driver once said, “Being nice is worthless if you’re just going to feel resentful about it in the end.”